As and update to previous posts, we AREN’T going to Maryland. Dad decided to take the job offered to him here at duke. So a little less greyness in my life is good. Sorting out the rest of my life. I feel like somehow agains all odds im getting somewhere going upstream. Im a little happier after the news of no maryland.

Well, schools starting to get into the swing of a normal schedule. I know where all my classes are, and remember what order they go in. I feel special. Not extreme overdosage of homework. Yet. Got my normal gang at lunch, we mumble on all lunch. thoyre’s well, stressed as he usually is. It doesnt help that hes the main tech repair for the school basically. Ah well, he’ll send me on those errands eventually.
So my chaos has started. Love my laptop, love my new mp3 player. love my zannah most of all.

zan, my love, my only, where are you?
why cant you be here?
why does it feel i havent seen you for years?
I have the patience, do you?
Why are you so free?
dont i deserve less?
why do you love me?
am I really great enough for soemone to love me?
how far can this relationship go?
I Love You

Reading Rosie’s and Haley’s blogs, ive sorta been sprung into the facts of school, and the facts of what people do to people and what they do to themselves. I see whats happening with kids of this age. Raised on TV, where people make fun of people and the person, at least on TV, doesnt react at all. And if the person does react, on tv and in life, the person trying to have a little fun hurts the other person to tears. Or farther. And the teaser just laughs.
What they see is that doing this to people A)makes the person feel inferior and B)makes the teaser feel better about themselves. All they want is to feel better about themselves, not caring what they do. They also have the potencial to be the person they are teasing(usually the introverted ones or A students), but dont because they would turn into the person they are making fun of. And if they became one of them they would be teased. so they become failing students and pretend to not care. Part of it is no support at home, but the rest is trying to be “cool.” So failing is cool? Working at fast food restaurants or minimum wage jobs cool? Do they just not realize that failure now means no nice cars later?
Ok, so parents are supporting them, why dont they do it for themselves? do they want to become what their parents are? do they see where their going? Or do they just want to be cool now and suffer later? Does anyone see why?

Well for one thing i wont be online as late whence school starts(TUESDAY!!! ARGHHH!!). However, i will be on really late on weekends so talk
Next, my laptop is coming soon, i need suggestions for what to name it. If you want to know what it looks like heres the official page
umm last thing should i keep my old ipod or sell it and get the new ipod?

thank yew people

Your looking at the order form for and ibook and a new ipod!!! I only asked for the ibook but dad went and bought me the new 20 gig ipod too!!! Given, i have to sell the old one….then theres all the rest of the work to be done. I got alot more to do before im off the work for ibook plan. He ordered it and it will arrive here at the house in a few weeks!!!!

Now the question comes down to this: who wants a 15 gig, 3rd gen used ipod OR should i not take the 20 gig and keep my 15? I have 2 choices for ipod: sell 15 to pay for 20 and keep 20, or keep 15 and sell 20 for original retail price? answer in the comments please?

Text Chat With Wheaton Squier:
*the green is wheaton, black is me*

well the secret lover quoted
is ME
NO
nate
you know i love you…
but not in that way
why not? i love you that way?
dont you see we’re ment for each other?
where do you get your hair done?
i love it
what picture are you looking at
oh i dont
i’m not
its just like that naturally
i was changing the subject
ah
you mean the green tinge?
yeah honeyh
KISS ME YOU FOOL
oh commmon
dont you love me?
nope
youve just crushed a little boys hopes
i think of you as that small lump of green putty i found in my armpit one midsummer’s morning
but dont you see? we were MEANT TO BE TOETHER FOREVER!!!
11:30 PM
why are you like this?
Button your trousers boys becuase This isn’t a night out on the town I mean business
what the hell?
thats the most random thing ive ever herard
carson said it
umm well
do you KNOW the muffinman?
no
i ate the muffin man
he was tasty
oh jolly good then
i have to go take a bath
what at this hour?
i pulled a hamstring
oh
right
it needs a soak
sorry about that
write in your blog
before people hurt you
have fun
11:40 PM
hehheh
n ight
night
love you
right back at you
mm
Wheaton has gone offline.

when one is bored you know?

The age 15 seems to have alota bad things associated with it for everyones lives. Its really amazing. One year. Chaos. Complete chaos. And I seem to be making a nice chapter for myself for this year currently havent I? I mean, just this summer i fell in a severe state of love, lost 2 best guy friends, learned that wheaton is a brick wall when it comes to emotions, Maryland, etc….So I feel the worst ever. The thing is, i went to my open house, saw an awesome friend whom gave me a hug, and i put on a fake smile told her i fell in love and am in a relationship. I mean no use trying to mope around a good friend. so i didnt tell her it all but then i was happy to be seeing thoyre(tech teacher), so i really wasnt too down. How could i not be happy i saw alotta people i knew and liked alot. and went and said hi to the teachers of yesteryear. Amazing how such small things can break your whole life apart. Well the thing that broke me today was melody being in a bad mood and hit me hard about my girlfriend. She just doesnt have the patience for people like her. I think it was all down to anger and she migiht nto have ment it.

Heres hoping.

Its just our family is so close that to hear it from one of us isnt good. whats worse is shes related by the blood so its worse. I’m ok now guys. Just remember: if you havent been through the age that is 15 AKA HELL, WATCH OUT. It’ll kick you around, but remember most of the adult population has been through it

cheers

all i really need is a hug from someone outside the immediate family and i cant do that right now. tis lovely to talk to people for late night, but school call soon, and i wont be able to do it. not to mention i dont get to use this laptop for a while. i hope to get my own soon. Id like to thank everyone that listened to my problems lately, and apologize for giving them so much of my stress, i apologize but sometimes i need to vent. THANK YOU

Just saw “Fiddler on the Roof” by Susannah’s sisters play company. It was awesome. I loved it. Will probably see it again next weekend with dad. They all did a wonderful job